Three Powerful Secrets About Success That No One Tells You
Three Powerful Secrets About Success That No One Tells You
Photo by Stefan Steinbauer on Unsplash
You’re sick and tired of all the false promises being thrown at you.
People make it sound so easy to achieve the life of your dreams if only you work hard.
But lets face it, there are plenty of times you did work hard and you failed.
And you’re probably familiar with this usual formula:
Work hard, get into a good school, and then get a good job that has benefits and a retirement plan.
Then you spend each year trying to make more money than the last. You answer to a boss that doesn’t particular care for your personal growth.
You worked so hard to get to where you thought you wanted to be only to have the veil lifted to a life a life of redundancy and routine.
The part that no one tells you though is while this formula will provide you comfort and stability, there’s only about a 50% chance that it will make you fulfilled.
I remember when I got my first six figure job right out of college. It was one of the most anticlimactic moments ever.
I still carried all my inner junk. I still had my trust issues, low self esteem and self-doubt.
I still felt like a failure.
To make things even more confusing, there’s the vague advice that some other people give you.
“Just do whatever makes you happy”
“Follow your passions and the money will follow”
“Just wait, I’m sure you’ll figure things out”
All of this just made me feel even more stuck.
So what is the secret to success and why is it so hard for us to achieve it?
Simon Sinek, author of Start With Why once shared a very enlightening story.
“I went to an event for high-performing entrepreneurs and the question was asked of the room, ‘How many of you have achieved your financial goals?’ Amazingly, 80 percent of the room raised their hand. Then the question was asked, ‘How many of you feel successful?’ and 80 percent of the hands went down. This example alone shows that there is little to no connection between the standard measurement of success and the feeling of success.”
Also, here’s a tweet from famous singer, John Mayer, for you to think about.
Here’s the bottom line.
The definition of success is severely misunderstood.
Success is a more than just an achievement.
For so much of my life, I chased after the next accomplishment I wanted under my belt.
I’ve travelled the world, made films with different celebrities in it, and I’ve obtained a six figure salary, but none of that helped me feel successful until I started digging deeper and learning what really made me feel the most fulfilled.
This was when it hit me.
For so much of my life, I was chasing after things other people told me would make me feel successful.
I thought having more money, becoming more well-known, and having more accomplishments would make me feel successful, but it didn’t. I just ended up in a vicious cycle where I was constantly on a chase for the next big thing.
The big problem is that we inaccurately chase after the things we are told that will make us feel successful.
Andre Agassi was one of the best tennis players in the world and he openly admitted he hated tennis. The only reason he pursued it was because his dad pushed him so hard to do so.
Tiger mom’s push their children to an extreme extent so that they can enter into a life of prestige and status.
Even friends around us believe wrong things about success and are busy being consumed with chasing after money and fame only because that’s what society convinced them to buy into.
There is a huge disconnect with what people tell us will make us feel successful versus what actually does.
It’s no surprise that there are studies that show almost 50% of Americans report being disengaged at their jobs.
On top of that, 1 in 6 Americans are taking some form of psychiatric medication. Antidepressant are the most common followed by anti-anxiety meds.
So I went on a personal journey to study and figure out what makes people actually feel successful.
And I found some really insightful information that goes beyond the cliche advice you see in the self-help books.
After meeting many people who are both successful and happy, here are the top three things that I’ve found that they all have in common.
1. The Truly Successful Take Full Ownership of Their Own Story
People who find true success don’t achieve it by accident. They are very intentional and do the hard work to figure out what matters to them most.
Rather than blindly listening to every piece of advice from friends, peers and family on how they should live their lives, truly successful people understand that the life they are living is their own and it’s their full responsibility to take total ownership of it.
They do this because they understand one harsh truth:
It’s actually easier to live a life someone else tells you to live because then you have someone to blame if things go wrong.
There is no easy path to success. The ones who achieve true success know that life isn’t about making life easier, it’s about making yourself stronger.
And the only way to get yourself stronger is to start living your life like you are the main character of your own story. It means to stop sitting on the sidelines letting life go by and getting on the court and giving everything your best shot.
They understand that passion is not found, but built. They do the inner work it takes to connect with their true self and make their lives a reflection of that regardless of what people have to say about it.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” — Theodore Roosevelt
2. The Truly Successful Get Their Minds Out of Survival Mode
There’s an almond sized part of our brain known as the amygdala, also referred to as our lizard brains. What it does is it looks out for your survival.
It’s the part of your brain that triggers intense fear if you saw a mountain lion chasing after you in the distance.
With all the responsibilities that get thrown on us and the pressure to live up to other people’s expectations, our brains are frantically in a mode of this same feeling of survival mode.
Here are some things that happen when you are in lizard brain mode.
Can’t think clearly and often make irrational decisions. (When really angry you say horrible things that you later regret)
In tunnel vision and unable to see the big picture.
Often anxious, fearful and in a rush.
Solely focused on money and how to make more of it. It often strains relationships as well.
And all these fears that kick in will force your brain into survival mode.
The crappy part of being in survival mode is that while your lizard brain is active in full force, the thinking part of our brain known as the pre-frontal cortex becomes inactive.
The very thing that our brain is trying to do to help us survive is preventing us from figuring out how to get out of our situations in the first place.
This is because when you are in survival mode, you're in a reactive state. When you are in thinking mode, you’re in a proactive state.
When you constantly live life in a reactive state, you don’t spend enough time using your thinking brain on what changes you can make to get yourself out of it.
So how do you get your brain out of survival mode especially when you are in really difficult circumstances with bills to bay and mouths to feed?
The answer lies in finding time to give yourself a safe space. Even if it’s only for a moment, you need to find a place where you are free from all the pressure, expectations and circumstances.
And when I say safe space, I’m not talking about an escape. An escape is used to run away from your hardships or numb yourself to uncomfortable feelings.
A safe space is where you free yourself from all the crazy whirlwinds of thoughts and emotions to be who you really are and be able to think things through with your head straight.
And one of the simplest ways to do this is meditation.
Meditation helps you get out of survival mode and activate the part of your brain that is capable of very important functions needed to help you change your situation such as critical thinking, decision making and logical reasoning.
A great app I use is Headspace, which has a free version.
3. The Truly Successful Utilize Both Halves of Their Brains
We have two halves of our brains that serve very different purposes. The left half of our brains are the logical side. It’s where our language and logical reasoning come from. The right side of our brain is where our emotions come from.
Both sides are equally important to our mental health, but the reality is most people tend to be more dominant on one side depending on their experiences.
I coached an individual once who was extremely logical and tried to make sense of every little detail. He would tell me when he watches a basketball game, he would start becoming focused on all the little details of how the game works to wondering about how they set up the court and what materials they used for the backboards.
I found out later on in the conversation that his dad cheated on mom when he was a kid. To add even more drama to the story, it turns out dad was a pastor.
Never being able to properly process his emotions and make sense of things as a child pushed his left brain into overdrive to always try and make sense of everything.
I can relate to his feeling to an extent, but it made me realize one of the biggest reasons for my unhappiness no matter what I tried was because I was only dominant in one half of my brain.
Every successful person I’ve met were very integrated in utilizing both halves of their brains. They were both logically intelligent and emotionally intelligent.
Dr. Daniel J. Siegel shares a lot on how to integrate both halves of your brain in his bestselling book, Mindsight. I’ve read this book over and over again and it’s one of the key reasons I learned how to discover the things that actually make me feel successful.
The Road to Real Success
It’s much easier to try and find a formula for your life, but it won’t guarantee happiness and meaning in your life.
Whether it’s a business you’re trying to start, a movement you’re trying to spark, or a non-profit you are trying to build, none of it will make you truly fulfilled until you become more aware of how you are wired and connect with who you really are.
So before you do all the outer work to try and change your circumstances, start with the necessary inner work to change your inner world before changing the outer one.
Then you will finally feel the success you’ve been chasing after all along.
How to Live Out Your Unique Calling
Now is a time more than ever where your skills, talents, and potential are desperately needed.
If you’ve been becoming more aware that you’ve been feeling stuck, then you might be wondering how you can begin to tap into the part of yourself that’s extraordinary.
The part of you that you know deep down can make a great impact on the world.
If that’s you, then learn how neuroscience can significantly improve your decision making, critical thinking, and creative skills in my free in-depth training, How to Activate Your Brain’s Superpowers: A science-backed approach to discover your passions, find your purpose and transform your life
Cheers to keeping life beautiful.
10 Secrets of Successful People
10 Secrets of Successful People
Mandy has been working in the mental health field for more than eight years and has worked with a diverse group of clients. These range ...Read More
1) Successful People Take risks
Successful people don’t sit on the side lines day dreaming. They DO what they think about. They aren’t afraid to get stuck in and take risks. Many ventures in life will never be 100% safe or guaranteed. Don’t let risk stop you. Get out there and see what happens. What have you got to lose? More people look back over their lives and regret what they didn’t do rather than what they did do.
2) Successful People Possess Unwavering Self Belief
Successful people do sometimes suffer from self doubt but they are good at talking themselves out of it or not taking their thoughts too seriously. Instead of overanalysing all that could go wrong, they concentrate on their strengths. These strengths serve as the basic foundation from which they leap out into the wide world to show off their skills. Self belief accounts for a large part of success. I have seen many people with lacklustre talent achieve great things due to their self belief. I have also seen super talented people waste their potential completely due to their lack of self belief. Self belief is the ‘springboard’, talent influences how high you can go. Without self belief – all talent is wasted.
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3) They Don’t Care What Others Think
Successful people care very much about their own opinions. Not in an arrogant, self important way but in a faith-based way. They know what they are capable of and they have strong belief systems. The difference with their belief systems though compared to the ‘average Joe’ is that their belief systems work very much in their favour. They like themselves and they like what they stand for. They have strong ideals/values and live a life that is true to what is important to them. It’s easy to be ‘wishy washy’ when you don’t have clear values about life.
4) They Think Outside the Box
Successful people don’t tend to just accept life as “the way it is”. They constantly askwhy and they constantly look for ways to improve the “way it is”. They are leaders, not followers and aren’t afraid to go against the grain. The more people tell them something can’t be done, the more determined they become to give it a go.
5) They’re Optimistic at Heart
At the thought of a new project, successful people are looking at possibilities instead of looking at all the possible problems. They allow the delicate creative process to develop before adding in rational and realistic forecasts. Nothing would ever be invented or achieved if we all started a project by looking at what could go wrong with it instead of focusing on what is possible. They look for the good in situations and this attitude creates a strong mental buffer that protects optimists against the ravages of the negative aspects in life.
6) They’re Resilient/Not Afraid of Failure
Failure is seen as a clue to the puzzle. Instead of internalising failure, successful people see it as a necessary part of life. They do not see themselves as failures, rather they look at the task as not working out. There is a clear mental separation between the person and the action. Failure is only a big deal if you make it one.
7) Successful People Possess a “Can Do” Attitude
Enthusiastic and always ready for a challenge, successful people look at finding solutions. They are fixers in life. They’re not obsessed about fixing things that can’t be fixed though and know when to back off and let something go. People with low self esteem tend to be the ones that find it hard to let go as they associate themselves and the task as one and see themselves as failures if they are unable to fix the issue. Successful people can maintain perspective and not get carried away with their enthusiasm. They recognise when effort outweighs the benefits.
8) They Take responsibility For Their Own Lives
This is a biggie. Successful people know that they are in their current position in life due to their own choices. People that don’t take responsibility for their choices in life tend to repeat the same old lines:
“It’s my parent’s fault that I am the way I am”. Parents do indeed influence us to a point but instead of blame, successful people accept their misfortune and almost use their rough start in life to fuel them further. They want to achieve despite what happened to them.
“I hit you because you provoke me. You make me do it.” Really? I don’t buy it. Unless there is a gun to your head, you still choose how to react. You can’t control others and their wayward thoughts but you most certainly choose what you do about it.
“I had an affair because you don’t pay me enough attention.” Another ‘cop out’. Have an affair if you need to (who am I to judge) but don’t blame someone else. That’s just ridiculous and shows denial at its best. Even if a relationship is awful, you are stillchoosing to stay in it and therefore cannot blame your partner for the misery you feel. They definitely contribute to your misery but it’s not all their fault. Personal responsibility would lead to happier lives for many people playing the ‘victim game’.
9) They Are Self Aware – Know Their Strengths/Weaknesses
Successful people have a healthy respect for themselves and they know what they’re good at. They also know what they aren’t that good at. They have no issues in admitting to their weaknesses either but they are good at capitalising on their good bits. Successful people may sound super human but they aren’t at all. They just use their thinking to the nest of their abilities and choose the thoughts that work for them.
10) They Give Back
Truly successful people aren’t completely out for themselves. They see the bigger picture and they give back to others. They have a set of healthy beliefs about others – that people are generally good and not “out to get them”. People from unhappy and unsettled childhoods tend to grow up seeing the world as a mean, unkind place and they are more likely to incorporate negative beliefs about the world. As an adult, it is important to question these negative beliefs and find out that they don’t apply anymore in many respects. As adults we have more choice in life and it’s up to us to make the most of our lives. With a more balanced view of the world, we are far more likely to want to give back. If we are angry and feel hard-done-by, we are far less likely to want to contribute positively to the world around us. We believe that we are owed something..and victim mode sets in again ( see Number 8).
We can’t change what has happened in the past. It’s always very sad for me to witness people stuck in the past. They have negative memories and play them in their heads regularly as if they happened yesterday. All this does though is reinforce the negative emotions. Being mindful means telling yourself, “I am okay, right here, right now”. Living in the past gives those that wronged you power over you again and again. make a choice, right now, to stop allowing them the power to upset you. If you do not feel mentally strong enough to do this – get the help of a counsellor. It is possible. Being successful is far easier when we feel empowered and believe it or not, we are all capable of feeling empowered without help from anyone else.
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Three secrets for success
I recently hosted the annual Sunday Times Fast Track 100 event at my Oxfordshire home. It brings together leaders from the 100 fastest-growing private companies in Britain, a number of other leading entrepreneurs, and a few aspiring entrepreneurs from the Branson Centre of Entrepreneurship in Johannesburg, and from the British government’s Start-Up Loans scheme, which Virgin administers.
We spent the day listening to each other and sharing stories of achievement and innovation. There was lots of laughter and some great conversations. Looking at the people gathered around our dinner table, I had a wonderful opportunity to reflect on what makes a successful entrepreneur. I found myself going back to basics: the three key attributes that can make a real difference to a person’s career.
While I’ve touched on these points before, some of the entrepreneurs’ stories highlighted them in new ways. If you have these basics down, you can give your risky idea a go with more confidence that you’re prepared to ride out any trying times ahead.
1. Keep it simple
The best and most successful ideas are those that improve people’s lives. Their founders often have a simple plan focused on a single product or service—one that is prompted by frustration.
Paul Lindley, founder of Ella’s Kitchen, started his business because he could not get his daughter to eat. He wanted to create a convenient product that would make mealtimes fun for babies and young children, along with their parents.
Paul came up with the idea of producing colourful, tactile pouches filled with organic meals. The innovative recipes wowed parents and toddlers alike, and took market leaders such as Heinz and HiPP Organic in Britain by surprise, since their rather stale offerings relied on glass jars and traditional flavours. Ella’s Kitchen has captured 19% of the market in the UK and copycats are packaging their products in pouches.
As he told his story, it was clear that Paul truly loves his work. He turned his momentary frustration about the difficulty of feeding his daughter into something that is making mealtimes more enjoyable for families.
2. If at first you don’t succeed...
Few first ventures work out. It is how a beginning entrepreneur deals with failure that sets that person apart. In fact, failure is one of the secrets to success, since some of the best ideas arise from the ashes of a shuttered business.
If you are an entrepreneur and your first venture wasn’t a success, welcome to the club! Every successful businessperson has experienced a few failures along the way. In the US, most investors will look at an entrepreneur’s past failures before making a decision, not because they are worried about it, but because they want to see that that person can withstand the occasional knock. Resilience is one of the hallmarks of an entrepreneur who stays in business in the long term.
Talking with the team who runs the Branson Centre in Johannesburg, I was heartened by Dylan Jonsson’s story, as it shows that our entrepreneurs are learning from their mistakes and building new ventures.
Dylan is a trained chef who started a restaurant, which then failed because of poor planning. However, he has since launched his next venture, A Thyme to Dine, which is a catering business that also sells four types of chocolate balsamic reductions he developed while running the restaurant.
This skill in identifying a winning formula despite his despair at seeing his restaurant close marks Dylan as one to watch. Some of his sauces and drink powders have been picked up by two national chains in South Africa; he is looking to start international sales soon.
3. Are you having fun yet?
If you don’t like being an entrepreneur, you’re doing it wrong. When you can’t wait to get to work in the morning and you are generally having a good time, there is a far greater chance that you’ll create a positive, innovative atmosphere and your business will flourish.
Keith Bete, a Branson Centre entrepreneur, epitomizes this attitude perfectly. He founded Ubuntuism, a clothing venture based on Ubuntu, an African humanist philosophy that focuses on building a peaceful, prosperous community where riches are shared and people are treated with respect. His passion and enthusiasm is infectious: Everyone he met at the conference wanted to buy a T-shirt and learn more about his company.
How have these three traits helped you in your career? Have you picked yourself up after a failure? Share your story or send me a note!
By NYT Syndicate
©2013 Richard Branson
Richard Branson is the founder of the Virgin Group and companies such as Virgin Atlantic, Virgin America, Virgin Mobile and Virgin Active. He has recently published two books: Screw Business as Usual and Like a Virgin. He maintains a blog at You can follow him on Twitter at
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